A Letter to my Bully(s)

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It has taken me until now to be able to face up to the wrongful ways in which you treated me or acted towards me.

The mental abuse was like knives to my heart that has left deep scars that have only ever partially healed.

No one should have to endure that amount of suffering, for any reason, at any time in their lives.

I can recall countless times that I was humiliated by crude comments, degraded by the spread of false rumours, scrutinized by what I said or didn’t say, and belittled to make me feel less important.

Your cruelty made me bitter, unable to trust anyone, not even myself.

I was left feeling inadequate, empty and alone, and in complete silence.

There were days where I was terrified to go to school, struck with fear of the monsters that would be waiting for me.

I became fearful; I isolated myself from the world and people.

I lost interest of the simple pleasures of life.

I was only a young girl;

I felt helpless, worthless and alone.

I felt persistently sad, and empty. I became tirelessly worried but unable to sleep from the constant worry.

My weight greatly fluctuated between a battle of eating for comfort or feelings sickened with nausea from the overwhelming emotions. I became preoccupied and uncomfortable with my body-image.

I hated myself!

If the constant depressive state wasn’t enough, the anxiety was eating away at my mind and body.

I became highly anxious to be around people. Fear of being judged, rejected, or humiliated.

I would avoid places where my fellow peers would be.

When I did attend school, I would often tremble in fear.

Middle School and High School are supposed to be filled with joyous memories, but unfortunately mine are only of pain and suffering.

I remember the name calling, the shouting, and the hurtful messages written to me on object with permanent marker. I remember the disgraceful flyers (hundreds of them) that were spread around my High School, the disgusting signs and notes left on my locker, and the online mental trauma and empty threats.

I lost total self-esteem, self-confidence; I lost myself and the ability to love myself.

I started to act out, losing respect for my parental rules.

I started on risky journey and experimented with smoking, alcohol and drugs.

I cut myself to feel something, anything.

But with any life experience, good or bad, there are life lessons to be learned.

Because of you,

I gained insight and perspective.

I grew with strength and perseverance.

I vowed to always be kind, respectful, conscientious, empathetic, and soulful.

I learned to love blindly, wholeheartedly, and deeply.

I learned so much about the value of relationships.

I grew.

All because of you.

Thank you.

Today, I love myself.

Most importantly, despite everything, I forgive you.

-Rachel Page ♥

Please comment, provide feedback, like, and share – I truly appreciate it! ♥

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54 thoughts on “A Letter to my Bully(s)

  1. You’ve done good by writing this post. Even if the bully(s) read this post they would not understand. But you win anyway because you forgive them. That makes them small and their actions pitiful. I’m glad life learned you to feel great. No one should feel the way you describe in the beginning of the text.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You overcame dear. They didn’t succeed. Instead of breaking you, it made you and I’m sure they ever expected that. You didn’t give them that joy. I thank God also it didn’t also snatch your humanity too.

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  3. This was really beautiful, and similar to what I went through as a kid. Your Sisyphean journey seemed to have taken you to incredible heights of character and strength, which is very impressive, to say the least.

    A poignant quote from the film ‘King Arthur’ seems pertinent: You made me and for that, I bless you. You make sense of the devil.

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  4. It is inspiring to learn how you have grown and gained strength from this experience. Acceptance and forgiveness do take time. We often become better people from the lesson.
    I am intrigued that you grew up in Edmonton. I’ve recently published a memoir that includes my mother’s difficult childhood in a family of Ukrainian immigrants to Alberta. Her harsh treatment and lies hurt us, but when I learned, not until my 70s, of her harsh pioneer childhood, I understood and felt compassions for her struggles.

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    1. Sounds look a beautiful story. ♡. Reflection really helped me to make sense of the things that happened to me in the past. . The issue has really been a matter of me not loving myself.. something I still and learning to do. Self Discovery is a magical thing.

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  5. Rachel Page you are a survivor and have found “it”. I am happy for you and welcome you back. You should not have been bullied. It was and is wrong and can derail positive development.

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    1. No one deserves to be bullied. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. The psychological damage it created was seemed (at a time) impossible to heal from. But I am healing. Every day I am healing. Thank you for your support ❤

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  6. “I vowed to always be kind, respectful, conscientious, empathetic, and soulful.” Thank you for being here, living in this cruel but still beautiful world. Nobody deserves what you’ve been put through, and yet you came out of it strong.

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  7. If you can forgive, then you’ve won. If you can transcend the situation, then you’ve risen above your detractors and tormentors. You are quite literally a better person than any of them 🙂

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